Review of Mommy Wars: A Collection of Essays on the Conflict Between Mothering and Career

Every modern mother is faced with one particularly difficult choice at some point during motherhood. When it comes to choosing whether to go back to work or stay at home with her child, every mother makes this decision in a different way and for different reasons. Mommy Wars [Random House, 2006], edited by Leslie Morgan Steiner, is a collection of essays that tell the stories of 26 different women and how they made their choice to either go out to work or be a stay at home mom.

Ending the Catfight Between Working and Stay at Home Moms

Mommy Wars highlights a wide range of mothers, from single moms who work to keep themselves and their kids above the poverty line to highly driven executives who give it all up to rock their babies to sleep at naptime. Through it all we see the conflict this choice brings to women. Editor Leslie Morgan Steiner, herself a woman who combines work with staying home to be with her children, says in the introduction, "In order to end this catfight and emerge united, we need to explain ourselves to one another" [xxvi, Introduction]. The personal essays in Mommy Wars are engaging, emotional and sometimes heartbreaking as we hear about moms struggling with autism diagnoses, memories of child abuse and suicide, yet through it all we hear the voices of strong women who have made their choice and stand by it.

Working Mother Bias?

Despite the altruistic goal of helping mothers understand each other's choices about work and parenting, we still hear about the closed-minded attitudes and hostility that women direct at each other within the essays in Mommy Wars. Many women write that it is all about making the choice that is right for you, and not being afraid to rethink that choice later on down the road if it stops working, but there does seem to be a pro-working bias in the essays chosen for publication in Mommy Wars.

Perhaps that is because a mom who didn't accept any outside work simply wouldn't write an essay to be submitted for publication. She'd be living her choice to stay at home, but her voice wouldn't be heard. That said, a few mothers who stay home full time are represented in Mommy Wars, alongside mothers who choose to work full time, part time and many unique combinations of working and parenting simultaneously.

Making the choice to go back to work or stay at home full time is a difficult one, and in those dark moments when mothers doubt their own choices it can be reassuring to read about other women and their experiences balancing motherhood and career. Mommy Wars is thoughtful, well-written and provocative, and shows that there are as many ways to make the choice to go out to work or stay at home as there are mothers.

Jul 11, 2009 10:25 PM

Guest :

I will be honest...I used to have a stigma attached to "stay-at-home moms". I think it was because many of the moms in my small town, watched soap operas, didn't take good care of themselves and let the kids basically play anywhere. LAZY is what I thought. Then, years later, I was in a situation where I was unable to work because I was in the USA and therefore became a stay-at-home mother. I quickly realized that it is like having a 24 hour on call FULL TIME JOB! I am an active, involved mother...I taught my son to read and write by age 3 1/2 among other things ( it was his thing...he loves it!) We spent our days filled with quality time and I have to say that it is OBVIOUS that it was invaluable time well spent. I have recently gone back to work, but am so thank-ful for the first few years at home with him. I now commend any woman who sacrifices her career and social life to stay at home to ensure her children have the attention and stability required for their development during those critical formative years. Sometimes we don't have the option...some people just can't handle it and need the outside interaction and confidence that comes from having a career. Whatever helps the mom be the best parent she can be is really what she should do. If u are miserable staying home all day, then it's not really a great environment to raise your child in anyway. I think only you can now if it's right for your family.